Divorce, My Personal Story
After a year of separation, yesterday was my divorce. And I wanted to share my story with you.
It is the hardest thing I ever I had to go through. When I married him I thought it would be forever..well I guess things change. No one can prepare you for a divorce. It is sort of like having a baby, there's always someone that has been through it and try their hardest to help you out. Advice on how they've done it, how they've gotten through it and how their children were afftected. And that's the big thing here, children. As you know we have a 6 year old daughter Abby, and for her I always thought how could your Mommy and Daddy not live together anymore. How could we not eat dinner together anymore, the 3 of us. Unfortunately things don't always work out the way we planned. It is something I never wanted. This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions. The highs and the lowest of lows. I remember when all this was happening in my life and having to come here to work and be on the radio...and on the radio...we laugh and all I could do is cry. I'd go on the air with the weather or a phone call and remember just taking off my headphones and crying. Or I'd have to leave the studio-- but then-- walking down the halls crying, was just as embarassing. I'm the girl that people come to, to make them smile. Not the girl that was crying all the time. But it was my way of getting through. I could never take off because then I knew I'd crawl up in a ball and not get out of bed. I had to come in. At that time I was just thinking I had to come to work, no matter what. It's what got me through.
How was I going to tell my parents and family, how was I going to tell my friends and most importantly how was I going to tell a then 5 year old that her whole world is about to change. I was thinking how are we ever going to get through this. Christmas, Easter, Birthdays and everything else in between will forever be changed. It's almost like a death in the family. I heard friends say that to me and I couldn't believe it, but it's so true. I remember when we separated and the one thing that stands out in my mind. It was our dog, T. She would just lay at the door waiting for him to come home. That still brings tears to my eyes now when I think about it. This would go on for weeks...wondering and hoping for him to come home. As a human I can try to understand this situation but to a dog, how do I explain it to her. But eventually as we all did she learned to deal with it.
Moving on to tell Abby. How much can you tell a 5 year old. I know she felt the stress, she saw Mommy on the phone a lot and saw a lot of tears. She'd ask me where is Daddy and back then we said to each other, for now let's just say "you're working." Maybe not the best way to deal with it, but for then it and for us it worked. Finally it came to the time to tell her-- Mommy and Daddy will not be living together anymore. I think her first question or probably not question more of a phrase or saying was, I'd really like some ice. (She loves chewing on ice) She didn't of course, understand. So she was dealing with it the way she knew how back then.
For me personally, it hit me so hard and while I was losing a husband and going through the separation at the same time my brother was diagnosed with Cancer, my aunt was diagnosed with Cancer, my parents were in a very bad car accident where they needed the jaws of life to get my Mom out and while my uncle was visiting my Mom and Dad at the nursing home while they were recovering, got hit by a car in the parking lot of the nursing home, and he was in the hospital and needed surgery on his hip. It was just a crazy weird time.
I know you're probably thinking poor Shawn, too...(my partner in crime in the morning). He was so supportive and wonderful through everything..and all my friends, family and the WOBM family. I couldn't have made it through without all of them.
Throughout this year, there's been many aruguments over money and everything else. There were times when I was thinking, I was with this person for 13 years, and I don't even know him. But there's one thing we totally agree on and that's raising Abby to be a happy, healthy and kind girl. And you know what, I think she's going to be ok. She's dealing with it just fine and I'm so proud of her in everyway. We made it through all the first holidays, not the three of us together as a family, and we did ok.
Divorce..it was always such a dirty word to me. Like when we told our parents, Divorce--What? Almost like they never hear about Divorce. And it's so true to them, it just doesn't happen. But guess what it does. And we all move on.
And so that's what we're doing. Yesterday was the big "D" day as I call it. It was very sad, my heart felt sad. It's something I felt I worked hard on-- my marriage and there was nothing that could or ever can be done to fix it. If you've been through it or friends or family that have been through it...the court room is rather dark. You stand and raise right hand and swear to tell the truth. The truth is...life will never be the same, but life will get better and better everyday. There will be sunshine in my life again. There is sunshine in my life right now. I guess I should say my heart will feel love again. So me and my daughter sit at the dinner table every night just the 2 of us, and it's just fine. We are doing good. And through all of it, I still believe in marriage and love.
And as I move on into this dating world, it's an adventure. Something I'm very much excited about.
As for advice to you going through this or know someone going through a Divorce...there's not much advice I can give you. Each relationship is different and each feeling I go through is my own and your own. But I can say therapy works-- thank goodness for therapy--.It's ok to cry and it's ok to let your kids see you cry. Please try, and I know it's hard, try not to argue in front of the kids. That's one thing we always tried..and believe me, it's hard...we always tried not to argue in front of our little one. You will be ok! That's the best advice I can give you. You will be ok! And your kids will be ok!
As for our dog, she lives with Abby and me and she's doing great as you can see in the T blog. And as we move on to our next chapter in life, we have lots of smiles and we talk. We talk about it a lot and Abs knows she can ask me anything and I'll be honest with her. And most important she knows Mommy and Daddy love her very much. Everyday I look for ways for me to grow. And that's the best thing about this past year, I learned so much about myself and how much I can truly do in stressed times and not in stressed times. Also peace has become a huge part....peace and lots of deep breathing. I can say I'm a woman who loves deeply and will love deeply again. And moving forward we are in a great place!
So for today..I'm hear on the radio and I love every single moment of it. Thank you for letting me share a little bit (well a large bit) of my life with you.