The Jersey Shore is usually home to many who spend St. Patrick’s Day toasting the patron saint himself but that will clearly not be the case today at least not inside bars and restaurants.

However it is a tradition on this day that I deliver a little ditty from Joseph Keefe (with my own twists) about what being Irish truly means.  As the grandson of Lillian Maloney I continue this tradition even if bagpipes will be silent for the most part.  Being Irish truly means:

  • You will never play pro basketball.
  • You swear very well.
  • At least one of your cousins is a cop, fireman, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds public office.
  • You think you sing very well and while you don’t know the words that does not stop you.
  • You have no idea how to make a long story short.
  • Much of your food was boiled.
  • You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling.
  • You will be punched for no good reason a lot. Some punches are legacies from past generations.
  • Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
  • You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start.
  • You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are but what you lack in talent you make up for in frequency.
  • Your parents were on a first-name basis with everyone in the ER of your local hospital.
  • You are or know someone named Murph. If you don’t know Murph then you now Mac.  If you don’t know either of them for sure you know Sully.
  • You have a sister or cousin named Mary, Eileen, Catherine or Colleen.
  • You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
  • There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.

Being Irish means you’ll still manage to enjoy a corned beef sandwich today because hopefully your favorite place has take-out and delivery options.

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