What your favorite Jersey Shore town says about who you really are

The Jersey Shore is not one place. It never has been. It is a collection of distinct personalities stretched across 127 miles of coastline, and the town you claim says more about who you are than almost anything else.

I have spent my whole life on this shore. I know the difference between a Wildwood family and a Stone Harbor family at fifty yards. I know what your beach chair says about you before you even open it. And I know that wherever you land on this coast, you landed there for a reason.

Here is who you are based on where you go.

North to South: the Shore personality guide

Sea Bright and Long Branch You are a work hard, play harder person. You want the Shore close enough to feel like a quick escape from the real world, and you have made peace with the fact that the real world is always visible from your barstool. There is an energy here that feels slightly unfinished and completely alive. You like that. You were probably at the Stone Pony at least once this year.

Asbury Park You are resilient and you are hip and you arrived here before it was cool -- or right when it was getting cool — and either way you feel some ownership over what this place has become. You appreciate a good mural. You know which coffee shop opened last and which one just closed. You use the word "community" and actually mean it.

Point Pleasant Beach You are young at heart even when you are not young anymore. You want the boardwalk, the rides, the ice cream, the whole production. You have been coming here since you were a kid and you are not complicated about it. Point Pleasant is fun and you are fun and you do not need it to be anything deeper than that. That is a gift.

Seaside Heights Let's be honest. In your younger years you were absolutely feral here and you have no regrets whatsoever. Now you come back with your own kids, you walk the boardwalk with a sausage sandwich in your hand, and you feel a complicated mix of nostalgia and mild relief that you survived your 20s. Seaside has grown up with you. Neither of you talks about it too much.

Long Beach Island You are even-keeled. You are loyal. You probably have a family house here or a friend with one, and you have been coming to the same stretch of beach for so long that it feels less like a vacation and more like returning to your natural state. LBI people do not need to be entertained. They need the ocean and a book and a cooler and they are completely fine.

Brigantine You have FOMO and you have made your peace with it. You want to get away but not too far. You want the quiet but you want to know Atlantic City is right there if you change your mind. Brigantine people are self-aware in a way that is genuinely charming. You chose the sensible option and you are mostly okay with that.

Atlantic City You keep swinging. That is not a criticism — that is a survival skill, and in this city it doubles as a personality trait.

I know this one personally. I was born in Atlantic City. Whatever that resilience is — the keep-pushing, never-quit, get-back-up-and-try-again quality that this city has always had -- it must be in my DNA. And I will tell you this: that attitude has carried me through more than a few moments in a long radio career where the smart money said it was over. It was not over. It never is in Atlantic City and it never was for me.

Atlantic City people believe in this place even when it makes it hard to. That is not stubbornness. That is character.

Margate You grew up dreaming of Atlantic City and then you worked hard, made something of yourself, and moved two miles down the road into a house with a deck and a grill and a very firm opinion about where to get the best pizza. You earned every square foot of this. Lucy the Elephant agrees.

Ocean City You present as completely wholesome — and you mostly are — but there is a wild side in there that only comes out after the family goes to sleep and you find the one bar (usually in a neighbors garage) that somehow exists in a dry town. Ocean City people have layers. The restraint is real but it is also a choice, which means it can be unmade.

Strathmere You are happy in your own skin in a way that most people spend their whole lives chasing. You found a beach with no fees, no crowds, no fuss, and possibly no lifeguards — and that last part does not bother you at all. In fact it might be part of the appeal. You have a slight issue with being told what to do. Not a problem. Just a feature.

Sea Isle City You are fun. Genuinely, deeply, completely fun. You are social in the way that some people are athletic — it comes naturally and you train for it. You place enormous value on friends and family and you show it by gathering them in the same place every summer and making sure nobody goes home early. Sea Isle people are loud in the best possible way. The more the merrier is not a saying here. It is a lifestyle.

Avalon Deep pockets, quiet confidence, and a very specific opinion about property values. You do not need to announce yourself. The zip code does it for you. Avalon people are not unfriendly — they are just operating at a different frequency. The good news is the beach is genuinely beautiful and you know it.

Stone Harbor You enjoy the finer things in life and you are unapologetic about it. Wine and martinis, not beer. Quiet after nine. Good restaurant, proper table, no one throwing a frisbee near your chair. You worked hard for this level of calm and you will defend it politely but firmly. This is not Sea Isle City. Not even close. Not even in the same conversation.

North Wildwood St. Patrick's Day is a lifestyle, not a holiday. You have the green beads to prove it and they are not all from March. North Wildwood people bring an energy that is loud and warm and slightly dangerous in the best possible way. You are the life of every party and you have been since 1987.

Wildwood Pure energy. Pure fun. The tram car. The boards. The music coming from three different bars at once. You are not here to be subtle and nobody asked you to be. Wildwood people are generous and loud and completely committed to having the best possible time, and they usually do. Watch the tram car please. (I didn't last summer and actually got bumped by the tram car. You mean that warning over and over isn't just the sound of the boardwalk? It actually is a warning! Who knew?)

Wildwood Crest You just want to recharge. In peace. You are not antisocial -- you simply understand the difference between being around people and being restored by them. The Crest is quieter, cleaner, a little more intentional. You chose it on purpose and you sleep better here than anywhere else. That is enough.

SEE ALSO: Cape May in May — Why spring is the best kept secret at the Cape 

Cape May You have arrived. Not financially necessarily — though possibly that too — but spiritually. Cape May people have a balanced quality that is rare on this Shore. You love nature but you also love a classy piano bar. You can identify a Victorian porch style and you have opinions about which bed and breakfast has the better breakfast. You do not rush. The whole point of Cape May is that there is no rush.

Where do you land?

Every one of these towns is the right answer for somebody. The Shore is big enough to hold all of us — the Wildwood energy and the Stone Harbor quiet, the Asbury hip and the LBI loyal, the Strathmere free spirits and the Cape May arrivals.

The only wrong answer is not going at all! 😎