It’s as much a part of summer as pizza on the boardwalk, enjoying a cocktail at a patio bar, the ice cream truck in your neighborhood and kids jumping in a pool.

 

The beach in Seaside Park
The beach in Seaside Park (Jane Williams)
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The Masters might be called a tradition unlike any other but I have mine as well and as the mercury rises it’s time for my Ten “Beach Commandments," an annual attempt to inform you and our visitors of the rules that should apply when it comes to beach etiquette. You can take it with a grain of sand but this comes from my many years of sitting on the beach and frankly, I’m an expert.

1. Wear a bathing suit that fits your body and not that of the model in the swimsuit ad which attracted you. Gravity does things to us as we get older so if you’re going to wear a bikini or speedo PLEASE take a good look in the mirror first.

2. Do not bring your backyard lounge chair to the beach…it’s too heavy to carry and makes you stand out for the wrong reasons. Ditto for wearing socks and sandals.
3. While our beaches sometimes get crowded this is NOT Coney Island and we do not sit on top of one another. Seek spaces between yourself and those nearby. Also I am an expert on the high tide line so if you sit right in front of me don’t complain when your “stuff” gets washed away.

4. Learn how to operate a beach umbrella, especially if you’re trying to use one on a windy day. Make sure the base is dug in well, angle the umbrella into the wind and keep it as low as possible. When it takes off like a javelin and nearly kills someone don’t laugh and put it back in the sand the same way.

5. Fill in any holes you dig. I don’t really understand it but for some reason people have this obsession to dig when they come to the beach, especially fathers and sons (usually the father does the digging while the son watches).

Regardless fill in the hole when you’re done so nobody falls in it.
6. For some reason guys who never play football bring one to the beach and insist on tossing it around in the middle of people. Unless your last name is Manning try and restrict your throwing and catching to open space.

7. Please place disposable diapers in a bag and throw them in the garbage promptly.

8. No smoking means no smoking. It’s the law then follow it, plain and simple.

9. The ocean is not the same as swimming in your backyard pool. When you arrive at the beach look for the designated swimming areas and pay attention to the lifeguards because they know the water and you don’t.

10. Enjoy your time at the beach. It’s the best part of summer. More importantly don’t ruin it for me and others.

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