A Tradition Like No Other Is Back: Rules To Beach By

It is the first official weekend of summer and it’s time for one of the truly great traditions that comes with the best time of year at the Jersey Shore.

It is the day when I share the rules that should apply when it comes to beach behavior and etiquette.  You can take these with a grain of sand but I’m an expert with decades of experience when it comes to sitting on the beach and observing what takes place around me.

Moses can take credit for his better-known version and others can try and copy (and they do) but I am the originator of the “Ten Beach Commandments."

1. DON’T CROWD THY NEIGHBOR. Yes, our beaches get crowded but there is no reason to sit right on top of others…this is not Coney Island. Seek space between yourself and those nearby. Arrive early, get the best spot. Come late, that’s your problem.

2. WEAR A BATHING SUIT THAT FITS YOUR BODY. This is for women and men.  Gravity does things to us as we get older so if you’re going to wear a bikini or Speedo take a good look in the mirror, better yet ask someone to give you an honest answer.  Now that I think of it don’t ever wear a Speedo.
3. LEARN HOW TO OPERATE YOUR BEACH UMBRELLA especially on a windy day. Make sure the base is dug in well, angle the umbrella into the wind and keep it as low as possible.  When it does take off like a javelin and nearly kills someone, don’t laugh and then try and put it back up.
4. DON’T THROW THE BALL WHERE IT’S CROWDED. For some reason, guys who never played football bring one to the beach and insist on tossing it around in the middle of people.  Girls are not impressed with this unless your name is Tom Brady or Eli Manning.
5. NO SMOKING MEANS NO SMOKING. If it’s the law then follow it!
6. FILL IN THE HOLES YOU DIG. I’ll never understand this but for some reason when people come to the beach they have an obsession with digging, especially fathers and sons (usually Dad digs and son watches).  Whatever when you are done excavating fill in the hole so nobody falls in it.
7. DON’T FEED THE SEAGULLS. I know you have a kind heart but when you feed one gull it brings the entire colony and they’re likely to leave their mark on someone’s head.
8. DON’T THROW OR KICK SAND. Do I have to even explain?
9. DON’T WALK ON THE DUNES. Nothing worse than watching parents allow their children to walk or run on the dunes when there are signs all over saying to stay off of them.  Speaking of children, make some attempt to control them from running over and through blankets.
10. FOLLOW THE LIFEGUARDS. Yes, you’re fine in 5 feet of water in your backyard pool but the ocean is a different story and even the best swimmers are no match for rip tides.  When a lifeguard blows the whistle follow his/her directions and don’t wave back.

Please follow these simple rules and enjoy your time at the beach.  More importantly, don’t ruin it for me and others.   HAPPY SUMMER!