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The office black hole

The office twilight zone

Ok fess up…we’ve all committed an office theft at some point. For most of us it’s usually just a pen. You were at a co-worker’s desk and had to write something down so you grabbed a pen and, without even thinking, walked away with it. When it happens to you, sure it can be frustrating to go reach for your pen and notice that it’s missing, but 99% of the time pen thefts are accidents.

And then there’s the other type of office theft…the mystery of the missing food.

This is no pen theft, and most of the time it’s not an accident. I’ll paint the picture for you…you were doing your grocery shopping last weekend and saw that Hot Pockets were on sale. So you thought, “hey, Hot Pockets are on sale! Those would be perfect for lunch at work!”. So you grab a couple boxes. You get to work on Monday, write your name in big black marker, and deposit a box into the communal fridge. So Tuesday rolls around and you’re knee deep in statistics, phone calls, angry customers, etc and you get that pepperoni and cheese craving and get excited remembering that you have another savory pastry literally with your name on it. So you go to the break room, open the freezer and you’re faced with the scene of the crime. You know you only had one Hot Pocket yesterday, and today is only Tuesday, but where is the box? Or worse, the box is there, but empty.

What makes office food theft particularly heinous is the fact that 99% of the time it can’t have been accidental. There are no other boxes of pepperoni and cheese Hot Pockets in the freezer at the moment, and the one box that was in there had your name on it.

Look, I’m perfectly happy to share. Joanne Cruise and I have swapped lunches plenty of times. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of the office and a co-worker would be happy to hook you up with some tasty eats. But there’s a difference between sharing and theft.

If you didn’t buy it, if your name isn’t “Justin L”, it ain’t yours!

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