Me And The Sitch…Well, His Car, Anyway
While my colleague Jason Allentoff was shaking hands with Matt Lauer and scoring Katie Couric’s autograph in the heart of New York City, yours truly was deep in Jersey, hangin’ with The Situation and checkin’ out his car. Okay, not really hangin’ with the Sitch…the “Jersey Shore” regular wasn’t there…and not really checkin’ out his ride so much as trying to keep up with it as a flatbed tow-trucker sped it along Route 9 in Sayreville enroute to destinations unknown. This photo was as close as I got.
The New Jersey license plate reads, simply, “SITCH.” But even more impressively, if you’re still not clear as to who owns the car, the legend across the rear hatch doesn’t bear the name of a manufacturer. It actually says “The Situation.”
Why The Sitchmobile was on a flatbed was open to rumination. Nothing externally wrong with it. Was this a somewhat overpriced way to keep the mileage down? Or didn’t he want Jersey highway asphalt on his tires?
Either way, that sort of care for a car automatically rules out certain normal modes of use in New Jersey. The mind reels.
We probably won’t see it in a supermarket lot, with old Sitch piling bags in the back, while a rogue shopping cart careens toward the fender. We can also probably rule out seeing The Situation changing a flat on the shoulder. Maybe when the tires sag, he just buys another car. Would he pull up to a fast-food drive-through window and speak into a clown face? Can’t imagine seeing the back seat of this baby filled with empty take-0ut boxes, circulars, and all the other effluvia of daily life. Is anyone allowed to use the ashtrays? It doesn’t look like the kind of car to carry all the junior hockey leaguers in the neighborhood to practice.
Where does he get it washed? A brushless place, or a hand-wash? Does he get the special with the undercarriage wash and spray wax? Does he get tire-shine brushed on? Is there a little pine-tree hanging off the dash? Which aroma? Sitch Scent? Goodness, what would happen if it hit a pothole? What shop repairs it? Does he sit in the waiting room and watch the big flat-screen, or does he get a loaner?
All of those scenarios, or course, are ludicrous. The “Jersey Shore” cast earns a nice living in the Garden State while remaining insulated from it. The Sitchmobile doesn’t lend itself to a million types of human interaction that give Jersey living its flavor. It’s glamour and glitz without substance. Fun at the moment of encounter, and once out of sight, forgotten..not unlike “Jersey Shore.”