How To Panic Someone In Less Than A Minute

I almost had a heart attack a few minutes ago. I got what I thought was one of those phone calls that nobody wants to get. It turns out that it was just a customer service representative who could have done a better job of choosing his words.

Here's the general idea of the message that I got:

Hi Justin, this is so and so from your local bank branch. There are a few things I need to discuss with you so please call me back at your earliest convenience.

Of course, he did say which bank he was calling from and he even identified the local branch that I use. In fact, I just used the ATM over the weekend.

Keeping in mind that an ATM in Brick was just hacked only a few weeks ago, I immediately went into panic mode.

Was my account compromised?

Am I going to have to cancel all my credit cards?

Was my identity stolen?

Even though I'm right in the middle of my on-air shift, I called back right away. After being hold for about 10 minutes, the employee who left the message picked up the phone:

"Hi, Mr. Louis, how are you today?"

"I don't know, you tell me", I said, "is everything ok with my account?"

"Oh, yes, everything is fine, I'd just like to discuss our different products and services with you. Would you have some time to come in so we can talk about how we can better serve you?"

After a stunned silence, I said, "so, there's nothing wrong with my account?"

"No, no, everything is fine, I'd just like to talk about our different products and services with you."

Again, after waiting a moment to collect my thoughts, as politely as possible, I said, "you probably should have said that in the message, I just went into a panic thinking that you needed me to call right away because something was wrong".

Now, look, I understand that the guy was just doing his job. I get that they have "products and services" to promote and sell, but when it comes to something as sensitive as someone's bank account, I would think that the first thing they should say is something like, "Hi Mr. Louis, this is so and so from your local bank. Everything is fine with your account, but I'd love to talk to you about how we can better serve you..."

Thankfully, nothing is wrong, but it certainly raised my blood pressure for a little while.

Have you ever had something like this happen to you? Tell us in the comments!