I have decided to lament about the end of my summer next week and because I’m feeling nostalgic (and not very creative) I will reach back into the Hometown View archives. 

Scarlett Johansson (Anthony Harvey/Getty I mages)

This is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek list about ideas that would make the world a better place for us to live in. Oh did I mention this is for men?


  • Women would start with the climax of their stories and then go back to fill in the details.But only if we ask.
  • Carpentry, plumbing and electrical courses should be mandatory for all boys in middle school.
  • All gutters would self-clean.
  • Not that I want to add to unemployment but there should not be any bathroom attendants.  By the way, does anyone really use the Brut 33 or Vitalis Hair Tonic they have on the counter?
  • All base runners would score on a ground-rule double.
  • Caddies would be prohibited from the pro golf tour.  No other athlete has a butler on the field with them and the players should be able to figure out on their own what clubs to use.
  • Movie reviewers would be forbidden to call a movie “the best of the year” anytime before July 1st.
  • Scarlett Johansson would replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.
  • Those little ketchup and mustard packets would be twice as big and much easier to open.
  • If you set out to climb some huge mountain wearing shorts, a tee shirt and boots but then have to be rescued by a dozen men, two helicopters and a team of huskies you must repay the cost of being an idiot.
  • Every fifth year would be free of federal income tax and all of the following would be tax deductible….TV sports packages, alcoholic beverages, poker losses and tickets to sporting events and concerts.
  • Parent-teacher nights would come with nachos and tequila shooters.
  • Singing “Happy Birthday” in the office would result in immediate termination.
  • Volunteering to put sunscreen on women would finally be seen for what it truly is: community service in skin cancer prevention.